(2008 Relationship Coaching Institute. All Rights Reserved)

(Courtesy of Martin Maximum Mediation, LLC)

It is important to recognize how well we control our emotional response to life.  We must be alert to how much power we give to other people, places, and things that in turn affect our thinking, feelings and actions.

The following list contains characteristics of  a person who posesses a  healthy control of their personal and emotional responses to the challenges in life:

1. They allow themselves to be free, open, and expressive to the feelings they are experiencing at the moment.
2. They usually do not try to hide their feelings, be they positive or negative.
3. They are usually able to accept the consequences of others’ response to their positive or negative feelings.
4. They are able to freely express their anger, in an assertive confrontation mode with no raging, yelling, screaming, ranting, or raving at other people.
5. They do not avoid letting others know if they are angry with them and yet they don’t blow their cool in the telling.
6. They can show enjoyment, excitement, and enthusiastic feelings when the event appropriately calls for such a response.
7. They are able to openly cry and grieve a loss event in their lives.
8. They are able to manage anger over old, unresolved issues in their lives so as to free themselves of the emotional burden and drain these repressed and unresolved feelings have on their emotional energy.
9. They are able to express their rage and anger outbursts privately so that they can return to people in a more composed way to let them know, in a healthy, assertive way, how angry they are.
10. They are able to analyze their emotions at the time and to see if they are congruent or in synch with their thinking and actions.  If they are not, they are able to figure out why and what to do about it.
11. They are able to not allow self-pity to be a driving force in their attitude about freely giving of their time and energy to accomplish what they want out of life.
12. If people in their lives are acting out of control, they are able to freely express their feelings of disappointment or disagreement and yet not get hooked into being out to control  with them.
13. If they feel intimidated by other people, they freely admit their feelings to themselves and choose not to let these people control the way they feel, think or act.  
14. They are able to admit feeling powerless over those things out of their control to change, fix, or rescue.
15. They are able to feel at ease and have serenity in letting go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable issues in their lives.
16. They feel detached from the behaviors, actions, and negative aspects of the people in their lives for whom they care a great deal and yet are not able to fix, rescue, or change.
17. They are able to feel good about themselves with no guilt or remorse when they feel detached from people with whom they have had toxic relationships in the past.
18. They do not let fantasies, dreams, traditions, or promises of the way things are supposed to be, interfere with their rationally experiencing life the way it really is.
19. They have no need to be invisible, or on guard so as not to be vulnerable to feeling hurt or pain, because they feel it is better for them to be vulnerable in life to experience authentic human growth. 

Placing the reigns on learned, out of control behavior is tough!  Do you want to learn how to improve your ability to control your responses and reduce stress in 
difficult situations?      
 Contact Paula Martin to make your appointment at the email address listed below:  
paulaymartin@martinmaximummediation.com .